feb01nws

FEBRUARY 2001 TAPESTRY

Having A Successful Marriage

    On February 11 th World Marriage Day is celebrated. Usually, this day gets lost at Mass because it has been the day when the BASE drive occurs. Ironically, because of the way the calendar falls, February 11 th iS also the day of prayer for the sick (Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes). So many marriages have failed and so many more are in need of prayer because of problems that joining the two dates might be fortuitous.
    How do you have a good marriage or a better marriage? People like Charles Dobson and Laura Schlesinger have books and materials they use. My advice comes from what I have read and what I see while counseling couples before marriage, during marriage problems, and after divorce. I have noticed several important things. I notice almost always that certain things are not present in troubled marriages that are there in good marriages.
    Do successfully married couples ever argue or fight? Yes! I know the assumption is that they don't, but every couple will face conflicts at some time in their relationship. What makes successful marriage is that the couple realizes the current conflict is not bigger than the relationship that binds them. They know that they can make it past this conflict because of the love that binds them together. They also realize that their partner is worthy of love and respect even when they disagree. So, in a conflict, name-calling or physical violence has no place. Couples who have been married for a long period of time also know that their partner has weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They don't use those in an argument to cause pain or to get their way.
    A second area in marriage that many couples fail is being flexible. Change occurs in every life. It happens to individuals and to you as a couple. To imagine that you will be the same on your wedding day as on your 50th wedding anniversary is naive. Flexibility may be called for in job choice or hours. It may mean personal sacrifice so that your spouse can go back to school. It might mean that a promotion is not taken if it will cause difficulty in caring for the children. Not every personality style deals well with change. If you are married to a person who finds change difficult, you may need to make more of the sacrifices and invite your partner to experience things in a new way so he or she might not find change so threatening. Talk about your goals, desires, and hopes for your lives. The closer you become, the less that change will throw you for a loop.
    Don't let people or things get between your relationship. If work, pleasure, or being with the buddies becomes more important than spending time with your spouse and children you are headed for disaster. Most of the time sexual infidelity occurs because these other infidelities have been occurring long before that. There are many ways that the busy lives we lead can separate spouses. It takes real effort not to let that happen. Put your relationship as your number one priority.
    Couples who are active in the church get divorced sometimes. But, most of the time if a couple has a strong relationship with God divorce is less likely. Why? God desires that we put others before ourselves. God desires that we love and forgive, rather than seek revenge. God helps us in times of trial, sickness, loneliness, and death. We discover that not in the good times, but in the bad times. A marriage that places God first will have the strengh to face difficult times more successfully. Couples who do not place God first will find their basic human tendencies toward revenge or bitterness entering their relationship.
    These hints and ideas are but a few to help marriage be more successful. Enjoy World Marriage Day and pray for those whose marriages have not been successful. God bless you.

Peace.
Fr. Chris

SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL

     Why is St. Clare Catholic community so special? Why do we who worship there feel such a strong connection to God and to one another? If every person in our community answered that question, we would get hundreds of different opinions. But St. Clare Catholic Community IS special, and I would like to share with you my personal reasons for believing that to be so.
      My wife and I have lived in many different places, some abroad, and we have worshipped in many churches. We were sometimes inspired by the beauty of the surroundings, or their music. In other churches we were impressed by their history, or their programs, or the warmth of the people. However, only St. Clare’s seems to fully satisfy our needs. I know many others feel that way too. Why?
      Is it the building and surroundings? St. Clare’s began in a small rented storefront. Those surroundings were certainly not awesome. Now we worship in a permanent building. It was not designed to be our church. It is to be our parish activity center. It has classrooms, offices, a small chapel and a large central hall that serves many purposes including our worship sanctuary. The great hall is plain, no statues, white paint, and no stained glass. A large plain glass window behind the altar allows us to witness the wonder of God’s ever changing sky. A beautiful San Domiano cross on the wall, hand built by a parishioner, is another a focal point for the eye. A simple altar and simple furniture, lovingly hand made by that same talented parishioner, complete the sanctuary center. No fancy pews or kneelers, just plain chairs. No fancy carpeting on the floor, only plain vinyl tiles. The only other adornment is our parish tapestry composed of all those hand made patchwork squares, some very artistic, some not, but all lovingly done. Are these surroundings so awesome and ethereal that they are what make St. Clare’s special?   No, not in themselves, yet they play a part in what does make St. Clare’s a great place to worship. If it is not just the surroundings, what is it that makes St. Clare Catholic Community so special?
     Is it the music? We have no operatic tenors among our cantors, nor a classical composer directing original Mass oratorios. We do have English, Spanish and children’s choirs, all under competent leadership. We also have the amazing St. Clare Singers, and sometimes we have enthusiastic congregational singing at our services (when we all know the songs). Music at St. Clare’s is not as slick and polished as it is in some other larger congregations. None-the-less, we are grateful to all those who work so hard to provide music at our services. Our music is clearly an inspiring and heart filling part of our worship. So, is it the music that makes St. Clare’s so special? No, it is part of it, but I would have to conclude with all due respect, that
it is not the music that makes St. Clare’s so special.
     Is it our history? Now maybe we are getting closer to it when we begin to consider the history: however, it is not a very long history since St. Clare’s is only ten years old. Fr.Tim Kandel was our founding pastor. Was it he who made St. Clare’s so special? Surely, some would argue that to be the case. Certainly he formed us into what we have become. It was he who opened those storefront doors and welcomed those first hesitant, curious people. That’s part of our history. He had such unique devotion to the Eucharist. He taught us how to show our respect for the Eucharist in a place of worship with no traditional tabernacle (as we still do today). That’s part of our history. It was he whose singing and musical talents encouraged a growing congregation to form choirs and to stretch their musical skills a bit in order to worship God in song and music. That’s part of our history. It was he who welded Anglo and Hispanic newcomers into a single worship community and that’s historical even on a broader scale. He shepherded that growing flock through those formative years. He led them out of that storefront to their own property and into their own building to worship in the great hall as we still do today. That’s historical fact. He nursed us spiritually. He weaned us by encouraging us to volunteer for various ministries so we could serve one another as Christ intended. He set up parish management and hired the permanent staff. All of these things, and many more are historical facts. It is also true that just at the point when St. Clare’s was maturing, he left. That was a traumatic moment in our history. Many people left our congregation in protest, but many others stayed on.
     God heard our prayers and He protected us. Fr. Chris Hoffmann came in as our new pastor and he is a very different kind of shepherd from Fr. Tim. His unique talents and skills are vastly different. He is quieter and somehow steadier. He calmed the tumultuous unrest and confusion, and St. Clare Catholic Community survived. We were then, and still are, mature enough and strong enough to endure. Now we enter a new phase of our history. We are about to embark on our teen years as a parish.   Fr. Chris is guiding our new course with calm and steady hands. We seem to be gaining strength and to be ready for new challenges. So, is it our history that makes St. Clare unique? No, not really, it is part of it, but not the essence of it.
     Is it our parish programs that make St. Clare’s so special?   It’s amazing! St. Clare’s is a small parish. Yet, we have a plethora of ministries, service organizations (like the Knights of Columbus), teaching programs, prayer groups, youth activities, festivals and fund raisers.
We have RCIA. Anyone who might question that St. Clare’s is unique, should check out the participation in our RCIA program. Kids and adults are participating in large numbers for such a small parish. It astonishes me to see all those youngsters rise up at the 10AM Sunday Mass when dismissed for their studies. Something powerful is happening there. We have a food pantry and the Someone Cares ministry where people in real need can find assistance. We always seem to find just enough volunteers to sustain these activities. Oh sure, regular meetings are less than full, and sometimes enthusiasm sags, but when real need arises, so do our people. We help one another through these various parish ministries and service organizations as well as out of friendship. So, is it our parish programs that make St. Clare’s so great. No, not entirely, that is a part of it, but not all of it.
     That leaves the people. Is it the people of St. Clare that make it great?   At first glance, the people of our parish community seem pretty much like those in most parishes. We have doctors, engineers, home makers, laborers, clerks, retired folks, folks in just about any other profession, and kids. Are these people specially holy? Some are, but most are probably just average folks caught up in the daily struggles of life whose prayers are brief and situation reactive. I doubt that many spend much time in deep contemplative meditation. Yet there is something special about the congregation at St. Clare’s. I think it goes back to the shepherding of Fr. Tim during those formative years. Somehow, under his guidance, the people of St. Clare
developed a unique sense of family, not just community. As evidence I offer what happens during our Masses at the prayers of the faithful. People do not hesitate to ask their brothers and sisters to join them in asking God’s special attention to an awesome variety of personal concerns. The time for personal requests is unhurried. It often goes on for several minutes. That doesn’t happen in most churches. The time of the peace sign after the Lord’s Prayer also illustrates that something unique and powerful is happening in St. Clare Catholic Community. People go all over the great hall to greet friends with hugs, not merely polite limp hand shakes. Little children run about with great glee to greet their friends, old and young, and feel so
safe in that place that they do not cling to mom or dad. That’s pretty unusual. Adults and kids hug the priest. Sometimes that is quite a surprise to visiting priests. Folks seldom leave Mass early. That is really unusual. Folks linger after Mass to chat with other folks, and they do that in fairly large numbers. That’s pretty special.
     I believe the thing that makes St. Clare Catholic Community great is the spirit of the people. That spirit was inspired and nurtured by Fr. Tim. It has been preserved and spread by Fr. Chris and all parish family members. We know we have something special. It is a subtle, indefinable feeling that fills our hearts in that place, among our people. Even visitors are aware of it. St. Clare’s may not be fancy, but it is a place where ordinary people are elevated to something better. It is a place where we come together to just live, breathe, and worship together. It is a place where God truly does dwell among us. We are a church of the people, by the people, and for the people. We are the body of Christ. This is the way Jesus told us it should be. This is how Paul admonished early Christians to build Christ’s Church. Our sanctuary, the great hall, is perfect in it’s simplicity. It is not overwhelming or distracting. The music is great because it is ours and just as special as anything produced in Salt Lake City. Our ongoing history is special because it shows how people of all races, ethnic backgrounds, education, professions, ages and health can come together into one family in the presence of God. Our programs work because of the determination of our people to take care of one another. Lastly and most importantly, our people are great because we are all learning to open our hearts to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. If you doubt that, watch the kids. They sense it, and their behavior at Mass is witness to this. The other thing about opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit is that it allows us, even forces us, to open our hearts to one another….and we do.
    So what’s the big deal? Is St. Clare’s really special? Yes, it truly is. I pray for its continued success and growth in the new century. May we, the family of St. Clare’s, continue working together for God’s kingdom on earth. Praise God and blessed be His holy name.

Hello,
    My name is Donna Kearney and I am affiliated with ANAD - National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. I have recently started a support group for victims of eating disorders and their families.
    In May of 1999 my husband and I rushed our daughter Melissa to the hospital with heart palpitations and a racing pulse. That night we found out that she had an eating disorder; in fact, had been suffering with it for many years. We were devastated. How could this happen? What should we do? Does she need to be hospitalized? Many questions and nowhere to turn. I wish there had been a support group available to guide us in the right direction and to talk with other parents who had been through the same thing. I decided that I would one day try to start one.
     Well, that day has come. As far as I know, there are no formal support groups anywhere in our Central Florida area for victims of eating disorders and their families to turn to in time of crisis. I have sent out over 80 letters to local newspapers, hospitals, libraries,, schools and mental health centers. I have had some phone calls from people saying that there is a great need for it. My problem is getting the word out. If your group puts out some sort of bulletin listing community events, I would appreciate your listing our group in it. We meet every Thursday at 7:00pm at Florida Hospital-Fish Memorial, 1055 Saxon Blvd., Orange City. Anyone needing more information can call me at 407-323-6161 or email me at dkearney@cfl.rr.com.
    Our website for our support group is at http://www.geocities.com/donnamariek2000/index.html
if you would like to see it.

Donna Kearney
407-829-9000 x102

Anorexia Nervosa & Bulimia Self-Help Group and Support Group for Parents

Where: Florida Hospital-Fish Memorial
1055 Saxon Blvd.
Orange City, FL 32763

When : Every Thursday from 7:00pm

For further information contact: Donna Kearney or Melissa Kearney 407-323-6161

ANOREXIA NERVOSA – a dangerous eating disorder which can lead to life-long problems or
death.

SYMPTOMS:
· Abnormal weight loss
· Refusal to eat, except tiny portions
· Excessive exercise
· Distorted body-image: See themselves as fat though actually thin
· Self-induced vomiting, laxative, diet pill, or diuretic abuse to control weight
· depression
· binge eating
· Not all anorectics display all symptoms. Associated syndromes are called bulimia or bulimarexia. If you think you have an eating disorder, or are the parent of someone with an eating disorder, please join us. You are not alone!

SAINT PETER’S CATHOLIC SCHOOL

Registration for pre-k (4 year-olds) will be Tuesday, February 27, from 8:30 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. Kindergarten through 8th grade will be on Thursday, March 1, from 8:30 a.m. – 2:30 p.m. If you have any questions, please call St. Peter Catholic School at (904) 822-6010.

PALMS WANTED

Please bring in last year’s palms to be used for ashes this coming Ash Wednesday. There is a box in the narthex for the palms - bring them in by 2/18.

ST. CLARE MARDI GRAS

The families in the FREE program are hosting this community celebration to be held at St. Clare on Feb 25 from 3:00 – 6:00. Each grade will create a table display to highlight the culture and traditions of each of the following countries:
Puerto Rico, China, Germany, Brazil, Italy, Guatemala, and Ireland.
Food will also be featured from each country, to be served from 3:00 – 4:30. The celebration will also include a cakewalk, raffles, entertainment, and children’s activities.
******Ticket prices (per meal): Adults - $7.00, children 3-10 - $3.00, under 3 – free. Tickets will be sold after all masses on 2/11, 2/18, and 2/25. Proceeds will go toward the reduction of our parish debt.

WE NEED YOUR HELP! You can volunteer to sell tickets, help decorate, set-up, clean up, bring food representative of a featured country, provide entertainment, donate a raffle item or cake for the cakewalk, sell popcorn or cotton candy, assist with a country’s display, host children’s games or crafts, serve food --- you name it! You are welcome to attend one or all of the committee meeting dates: Monday, Jan 29 at 7:00 p.m.; Wednesday, Feb 21 at 7:00 p.m. Volunteer sign-up will be held after all masses on Jan 28.

MORNINGS OF REFLECTION FOR EXTRAORDINARY
MINISTERS OF THE EUCHARIST

The following programs are for Ministers of the Eucharist who have already attended a training workshop and who wish to deepen their faith and renew their commitment to serve in this ministry. Attendance will count toward recertification of mandate. Each program runs from 9:00 – 12:00 on the date listed.

Saturday, Feb 10 Saint Isaac Jogues Church, Orlando – This program will be in Spanish
Saturday, Mar 3 Saint Ann Church, DeBary
Saturday, Mar 24 Blessed Trinity Church, Orlando

Please Note: Pre-registration by parishes with the Office of Liturgy is required no later than one week prior to the program. Parishes will be billed following attendance. The fee is $3.00 per person, but no more than $50 per parish per program. If you have any questions, please call the Office of Liturgy at (407) 246-4860.

THINK SMART ABSTINENCE EDUCATION PROGRAM

This program is a project of the Catholic Diocese Respect Life Office. We are looking for interested people to teach our curriculum part-time, in public and Catholic schools. Training is provided over several days and the salary is $10.00 per hour. For more information, call Diane J. Brown at (407) 996-0152.

JOURNEY TO JUSTICE MINISTRY RETREAT

Epiphany parish, Port Orange – the weekend of Feb 9-11.
There is no charge and those in parish ministries will receive continuing education hours. For information and registration, call the Respect Life Office at (407) 277-7266 or Epiphany parish at (904) 767-6111.

CONSISTENT ETHIC OF LIFE PROJECT

The Florida Catholic Conference in Tallahassee is sponsoring the 2001 Consistent Ethic of Life Project (CEOL). This being an election year, we are hoping to have good representation from the Orlando Diocese.

Bus travel will be provided free of charge, or you may travel on your own by car. The bus will depart from Catholic Charities in Orlando Tuesday afternoon, March 6, and return the afternoon of Friday, March 9. Ramada Inn North (850-386-1027) and Best Western (800-528-1234) are offering special rates for those attending this pilgrimage.

March 7 – Florida Catholic Conference CEOL Orientation – 11:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. – Mass at 6:00 p.m. Ramada Inn North, 2900 North Monroe St, Tallahassee Registration fee is $35.00, which will include lunch with the Florida Bishops and bus transportation from the Ramada Inn to the XXVI Annual Votive Red Mass of the Holy Spirit.

A requirement for participation in the CEOL Project will be attendance at one of two diocesan orientations to be held from 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. at Catholic Charities in Orlando. One will be offered Thursday, Feb 8, the other on Thursday, Feb 22. Lunch will be provided.

For more information, contact Deborah Stafford Shearer at (407) 277-7266 or email .

ELECTION REFLECTIONS

The 2000 election year was one we will remember for a long, long time. The whole process from beginning to end seemed fraught with oddities. The primaries seemed like a farcical dance from some obscure Jonathan Swift satire, and the final agony after Election Day became a surreal comic-tragedy. We remember the post-election day events which left many Floridians embarrassed, confused, frustrated by all of the legal blather, and just a little angry with one party functionary or another. Whether one was pleased by the outcome or not, it seems probable that most of us were left with a bitter taste in our mouths over the process which produced the final decision.

Of all the odd things surrounding the last election, one of the oddest facts to emerge is that there is a patron saint of contested elections. His name, of all things, is Saint Chad. No, that is not a joke, nor a misspelling, nor a hoax. His biography is authenticated in Butler’s Lives of the Saints and is summarized in the Catholic encyclopedia. He was a Saxon by birth, ordained a priest, and served in the British Isles.

Chad was himself the subject of a contested election. He was elected chief bishop of Northumbria and Archbishop of York. After his installation, objections were raised on the grounds that his Christian background and his consecrators were of the Celtic rite rather than of the Roman rite then spreading in the British Isles. To avert dissension, he stepped down. Later, having educated himself to correct “whatever was defective in his Episcopal consecration,” he became bishop of Litchfield in Mersia where he served until his death. All this happened before the year 700 AD.

This might not be “the rest of the story,” but it is certainly a humorous twist to it.

WANT TO GET CLOSER TO THE ONE YOU LOVE?

You can do that on a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend! Marriage Encounter is 44 hours where married couples can get away from jobs, kids, chores, and phones – and focus only on each other. The next Catholic Marriage Encounter weekends in Orlando are Feb. 16-18, March 23-25 and April 27-29 at San Pedro Center. Registration closes one week prior to the start of each weekend, so a quick response is encouraged. For more information or to register, contact Dan and Fran McGowan at (407) 295-9263 or email .

SILENT WAR?
    A St. Clare parishioner who visited Iraq in the past year believes the American people haven’t been told the truth about that mid-eastern nation, which was defeated by U.S.-led coalition forces in the four-day Persian Gulf war in early 1990. “Most of what we are told by government sources and our media is baloney,” Ingrid Swenson told this reporter.
    She believes that America’s faulted policy toward Iraq, which includes the use of weaponry to enforce two no-fly zones, is (among other things) causing food shortages, especially among the poorer elements, and an epidemic of gastro-intestinal problems in Iraqi children. She says also that life in Iraq suffers from a U. S. ban on that country’s importation of such vital items as trucks, forklifts, ambulances, and refrigerators.
    To learn what is really going on in Baghdad and its environs, she says, Americans must rely on the English-speaking foreign press and representatives, like she, of certain church and secular groups that “are striving to achieve peace and justice.” Ms. Swenson has been active for about 10 years with one such group, The International Action Center (IAC), which was founded and is guided by Ramsey Clark, the attorney general in the Lyndon Johnson administration.
Representatives of these and similar groups go to Iraq to see for themselves and are then encouraged to tell congressmen and others what they observed first-hand.
    With others representing IAC (all paying their own way, incidentally), Ms. Swenson visited Iraq for a week in January, 2000. (At this writing, she was on a second such visit in January,
2001.) Because of restrictions on Iraq imposed by the United Nations and enforced largely by the U.S., the visits entailed flying from America to Amman, Jordan, with ensuing 14-hour bus trips across mostly desert to the Iraqi capital of Baghdad. There the visitors stayed at the Rasheed Hotel, which Ms. Swenson describes as “the only place where visitors, including diplomats, can stay and get electricity, bottled water, and sanitary food service.”
    Her first IAC mission was to Mosul, (a.k.a. Al Mausil), a city in northern Iraq near the Biblical Ninevah, and that meant early-morning and evening bus rides, five hours each way, with the intervening time spent talking to average Iraqis and visiting some private homes and public sites. “Each day we carried bottled water to Mosul. The town council there gave us coffee and snacks, and we had a place to go to get one hot meal each trip, ” Ms. Swenson explained. She said they had an interpreter, but that “many Iraqis – doctors, nurses, ranking officials and school children – spoke English.”
    Ms. Swenson said that what she saw and heard on her earlier trip refutes most of the stories about Iraq that are common in America and its press. She said the misinformation extends from the 1990 war over Kuwait to U.S. later and current enforcement of no-fly zones and other post-war problems. “It’s baloney,” she opined again. She can tell stories and give details on many side of the U.S./U.N.-Iraq story.
    Groups similar to the International Action Center include Voices In The Wilderness, which is interfaith based, and Pax Christi, a Catholic organization (Ms. Swenson sits on its council). They all arrange for associates to visit Iraq, then to tell congressional members and others what they personally observed and learned.
   Ms. Swenson is a native of New York City who moved at age 7 with her parents to Woodbridge Township, New Jersey. That’s where she completed her early schooling. After high school, she earned bachelor’s, master’s and doctor’s degrees from John Hopkins University, specializing in demographics (the study of vital and social statistics). She put her knowledge to work on general health problems, working overseas in Bangladesh and Tanzania, before serving on the faculty of the University of North Carolina for more than 20 years. She then did research at John Hopkins University before her retirement in 1998.
    She moved to Deltona because it is about equidistant from family and friends she has in Florida.
          -- Bob Sayre

ANOTHER CHRISTMAS STORY

I didn’t know until six months later that Dec. 25, 1944, was the luckiest Christmas of my life (but it was far from being the happiest!).

    That holiday was spent at a U.S. Army reinforcement depot somewhere in northern France, and I was among a bunch of non-assigned GIs en route from training camps, hospitals, and other transitory units who were hoping to be assigned to permanent contingents in the war zone with the Germans. Fifty-six years later, I remember that we did have turkey with the fixings on our mess trays that day and that there was no place to sit. There were waist-high shelves along the mess hall walls, and that’s where we rested our mess kits and canteen cups while we ate standing up.
    Nor were there any presents or mail from home that day. When you passed through the Army’s “repple-depple” system, mail and pay trailed many weeks behind, eventually catching up after you’d been assigned to a new unit.
    I had gone overseas as a private first class with the 106th Infantry Division. We sailed out of Boston to Grennock, Scotland; there we landed and rode a train south to a base outside Stow-On-The-Wold, England. The division stayed at that midland town for several weeks before crossing to mainland Europe in November. I’d been in the infantry since June, 1943, and had marched countless miles while training in Texas and Indiana – and we marched every day while we were at Stow-On-The-Wold.
    During one March, however, something went awry in my left foot; suddenly there was weakness and pain! I limped along for a short distance, then fell out of the line and waited alongside the road for a vehicle to carry me back to camp.
    The next morning I was sent to a hospital near Birmingham, and there X-rays showed that the metatarsal in my left foot had been malformed since birth.
    Discovery of that condition spelled an end to my being in the infantry, but since I was already overseas, Army doctors marked me for limited service (a desk job, it eventually turned out). I left the 106th Division in mid-November and entered the replacement depot system – to be sent from depot to depot until an appropriate job opening appeared in some unit.
And that is how I got to northern France for that “luckiest” Christmas.
    Sometime after Dec. 24, 1944, I learned that the German offensive which started the Battle of the Bulge had all but wiped out the 106th Division! But I didn’t get any details until after V-E Day, May 8, 1945!
    That’s when a former infantry buddy who’d been taken prisoner at “The Bulge” finally contacted me. He said the 106th, untried in combat, had been thinly disbursed along the battle line in Belgium; the German assault on Dec. 16 came in thick fog and was a complete surprise to the Americans. Over 4,000 GIs were killed in the fight, many more were wounded, and most of what was left of the 106th Division was taken prisoner.
    “Bob, you wouldn’t have survived,” my old friend opined. “When General Patton’s Third Army counter-attacked, the Germans were forced to retreat at top speed. We POWs were marched at double-time to the rear, and those who couldn’t keep up and dropped out were shot to death, then and there. “The way you were limping only weeks before back in England, you’d have been a sure goner,” my buddy concluded.
    So, if those 21-year-old malformed metatarsals of mine had lasted a fortnight or so longer, I’d have been under six feet of dirt and a white cross for the past 56 years – but they didn’t and that’s why that far-away Christmas was so lucky for me.
          -- Bob Sayre

Como Tener un Matrimonio Exitoso

         En Febrero 11 se celebrará el Dia Mundial del Matrimonio. Usualmente éste dia se pierde en la Misa porque a ocurrido un dia de BASE. Ironicamente, por la manera que el calendario cae, Febrero 11 es tambien un dia de oración por los enfermos (Fiesta de Nuestra Sra. De Lourdes).   Muchos matrimonios han fracasado y muchos estan en la necesidad de oración por problemas asi que unir las dos fechas quizás sea propicio. ¿Como uno tiene un buen matrimonio o uno mejor? Gente como Charles Dobson y Laura Schlesinger tienen libros y materiales que ellos usan. Mi consejo viene de lo que
he leido y lo que veo. Aconsejando parejas antes del matrimonio, durante un problema matrimonial, y despues de un divorcio he notado unas cuantas cosas importantes. Yo he notado que siempre hay algo que no está en los matrimonios con problemas pero si existe en los matrimonios buenos.
         ¿Las parejas matrimoniales exitosas discuten o pelean? Si. Yo se que se presume que no, pero toda pareja se encontrará con conflictos en algún momento de su relación. Lo que hace un matrimonio exitoso es que la pareja se de cuenta que la situación corriente no es mas grande que la relación que los une. Ellos saben como ir mas alla del problema porque el amor les matiene unidos. Ellos tambien se dan cuenta que su compañera es digna de respeto y amor, aun cuando no estan de acuerdo. Entonces, en un conflicto, llamadose nombres o violencia física no tiene cabida. Parejas que han estado casados por largo tiempo tambien saben que su compañero tiene debilidades y vulnerabilidades. Ellos no usan esos en un argumento para causar dolor o salirse con la suya.
         Una segunda etapa del matrimonio en que muchas parejas fracazan es el hecho de la flexibilidad. Cambios suceden en toda vida. Le puede suceder a una personas o a ti como pareja. Imaginarse que seras la misma en tu boda como en tu quince aniversario es ser ingenuo. La flexibilidad puede ser un trabajo del momento o de horas. Puede ser sacrificio personal para que tu pareja pueda regresar a la escuela. Puede ser que una promoción no se acepte si crea dificultad en el cuidado de los niños. No todos los estilos de personalidades pueden bregar bien con cambios. Si estas casado con una persona que
encuentra los cambios dificiles quizás tengas que hacer mas de los sacrificios e invitar a tu pareja a experimentar las cosas en una forma distinta para que no encuentren el cambio tan amenazante. Habla de tus metas, deseos, y esperanzas en tus vidas, Mientras mas unidos sean menos el cambio le inquieta.
        No permitas que personas o cosas se metan entre su relación. Si el trabajo, placer, o estar con amigos se hace mas importantes que pasar tiempo con tu esposa e hijos entonces vas de cabeza para un desastre. Muchas de las veces que la infidelidad ocurre es porque estas otras infidelidades han estado ocurriendo hace tiempo. Hay muchas formas que la vida afanada que llevamos nos pueden separar de nuestros esposos. Se necesita mucho esfuerzo para que esto no suceda. Pon tu relación en la prioridad numero uno.
       Parejas que estan activas en la iglesia tambien a veces se divorcian. Pero, la mayoria de las veces si la pareja tiene una fuerte relación con Dios el divorcio es menos probable. ¿Porqué? Dios desea que pongamos a otros primero que a nosotros. Dios desea que amemos y perdonemos en vez de buscar venganza. Dios nos ayuda en tiempo de prueba, enfermedad, soledad, y muerte. Nosotros descubrimos eso no en los tiempos buenos sino en los tiempo malos. Un matrimonio que pone a Dios primero tendrá la fuerza para enfrentar tiempos dificiles con mas exito. Parejas que no ponen a Dios primero encontraran la tendencia humana basica hacia la venganza o resentimiento entrando en su relación. Estos consejos e ideas son unos pocos para ayudar al matrimonio a ser mas exitoso. Dios les bendiga.
Paz,
Padre Chris